Pathways To Love: 28 Day To Self Love - Tantra Quest

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Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self LovePathways to Love1

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self Love2

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self LovePathways toLove28 Days to Self Love SHAWN ROOP3

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self LoveJai Media – San Diego, CA2010Published by Jai MediaSan Diego, CaliforniaLibrary of Congress-in-Publication DataRoop, ShawnPathways to Love: 28 Day to Self Love / ShawnRoopISBN: 1451570945EAN-13: 9781451570946Second Edition Copyright 2010 Shawn Roop. Allrights reserved.Unless otherwise indicated, all materials on thesepages are copyrighted by Shawn Roop. All rightsreserved. No part of these pages, either text or imagemay be used for any purpose other than personal use.Therefore, reproduction, modification, storage in aretrieval system or retransmission, in any form or byany means, electronic, mechanical or otherwise, forreasons other than personal use, is strictly prohibitedwithout prior written permission.4

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self LovePublishing Manger: Beth ElderContent Readers: Beth Elder, Tracey Lontos, Derrick KochCover Design and Layout: Shawn RoopEditing and Proofreader: Judy Kamande, Krizelle Estorpeand Beth ElderAuthor Photograph: Tracey LontosTypeset: Book Antiqua, New Times Roman, GaramondAcknowledgmentsMy Teachers:Dr. Corynna Clarke who saw my calling before I did,Osho for sharing Mahamudra and life wisdom in a deepway, Maha Chandra who is no longer here but still teachesme, Tilopa, Tad James who woke my magic and spirit up,Roger and Shirley Elliott (my parents) who always lovedand took care of me in my quest to live a life well lived.Every Student and Client I have had.My Peers:Kamala Devi for showing me new ways to live creatively,Baba Dez for being a true peer, Ariel White for playingwhile working, Luna for teaching me hard lessons in lovingways, and Moses Ma for seeing something in me even whenI couldn’t.Derrick Koch for knowing me since 6th grade, becoming mybest friend and always allowing me to grow.Richard Roop, my brother, who helped me to learn NLPwhen I was 18 and showing me what success in self helplooks like.5

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self LoveMy Love Tribe in San Diego:Beth Elder, Tracey Lontos, Adam Paulman, KamalaDevi, Jude Mathis, Viraja Prema, Kypris Aster, RobinChurch and her runways, Paul Anthony, FrancoiseGinsberg, and everyone in my Tantra Theater troupe:Michael, Ember, Joy, and Rita: The love from all of you inSan Diego is amazing and pure.Larry Michel for pushing me to get writing and sharemyself with the world. This book would not be without him.DedicationTo Beth:You have seen me, celebrated me andsupported me in ways no one has. Yourlove, encouragement and acceptancepermit me to love myself more. Ourrelationship has helped me come home tomy center. Thank you honey for allowingme to love myself, so I can love you sohugely!6

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self LoveTo Myself:Thanks for accepting all of my failure andsuccess and still allowing love, greatnessand grace to bathe my life. The journey Iam on is so wonderful; challenging attimes, but mostly a celebration of all thatis in each breath the best way I knowhow. With kind eyes, full heart and deepacceptance, I love you.7

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self LoveYour Time “Start the journey, rather than figuring out thedestination. The happiness is found not infinishing an activity but, truly, in being in theexperience.”Shawn Roop8

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self LoveTable of ContentsIntroduction 12The Love Story 15How This Book Works 20Glossary of practice symbols 23How to Start a 28 Day Journey 26It’s Your Experience 28Cut your cords from the past 33Change the start of your day 38Find one thing that authentically makes you smiletoday 43Enjoy a meal alone today 47Write about a relationship from the past, focusing onthe good 52Enjoy some chocolate as a sensual experience 56Smile more today and feel what your heart does 61Light a candle and watch it dance for you 659

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self LoveShower Meditation: Feel your past being washed off68Listen to a song or album, and become aware of howit makes you feel 72Strike up a conversation with someone who is helpingyou 76Define what love means to you 81Self pleasure with no agenda or goal 86Start to doodle as you think about love 90Enjoy a cup of tea. Focus on every aspect. Let thewhole experience be a meditation of awareness 94Buy, or even pick, flowers for yourself 98Oil massage your feet, tickle your feet, and hold yourfeet 101Learn “I love you” in three other languages 105Make your favorite meal today. 122Call or email an old friend and share how much youenjoy them 125Dance naked at home today to a song you love 129Wake up early just to watch the sunrise outside. 13310

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self LoveMeditate on the feeling of love 136All day, be conscious of your touch 140Rest with a cork in your mouth for 5 minutes toreduces stress 144Forgive yourself for something in your past 149Erotically map your body 153Write a poem about the sunset 157The End? 160Ok, now what? 16311

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self LoveIntroductionThere are many ways to explore love. In thisbook, it’s important to state that love looks, feels, tastesand sounds very different to each one of us. You knowthat, right?This book is for those who understand, and want, love,but don’t know how to put it into practice. We mayhave felt and shared love, but for some reason thathasn’t been enough. Many people want more love,others want new love. Some want to know what love isand others just need love. (This is starting to sound likethe very ideas that made every 80’s love song!)Over the years, I have supported thousands of peoplein exploring these questions. Mostly, they ask the bigquestion, “How do I find love?” I smile and say, “The realquestion is not ’how to’, but rather, ’what is in the way’?”12

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self LoveThe block to what they want is not another person,past emotions or failed strategies. These lead andcontribute to the issues; yet the core issue is us. It’s notoutside of us. If you can accept responsibility for yourlife and how you explore love, the victim state can bereleased. This is one of the most empowering thingsyou can do.Many people just don’t know, or for that matter, like,themselves. You may have had years of lookingoutside to fulfill love’s needs, which has created a sortof co-dependent behavior. It’s how we were raised;and now the time has come to re-evaluate and see whatreally works for you, and what doesn’t.This is a 28 day experience; an opportunity to open up,know and love YOU better. This allows others toreceive you in healthy and expansive ways.Why 28 days? Well, it’s 4 weeks, one trip around themoon. Within those 4 weeks, this will create trust,knowledge and understanding of how you tick. Youwill see your passion and your roadblocks. By13

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self Loveknowing your design better, it offers a deeper masteryof how you experience love. You will uncover old stuff,discover new stuff and reclaim energy and emotionsthat may be the very thing that keeps your love fromburning the way you want it to. Be gentle, open andavailable. This is not a test. This is about learning HOWTO LOVE YOU,which will give you a fantasticfoundation in sharing love with everyone around you.I have used these exercises to create a torrid love affairwith me. It’s been a rocky road at times, but I’m stillcommitted. I keep finding new ways to know myself. Ithas offered me safety and security to open up my heartand love others without limitations. And this is themost liberating gift.Let’s talk about love 14

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self LoveThe Love Story"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entireuniverse, deserve your love and affection."BuddhaSo many seek the comfort of things related toromance, to create models and strategies for what love“should” look like. Many desire a romantic love affairas learned from movies, fairytales and music. Even ifthey have never experienced nor witnessed anyonewho has ever even had a romantic affair over the ages,they still search for it; dreaming of a later day wheretrue love penetrates the soul and ends happily everafter, the goal being – to find that one to fit the bill. So,they continue to seek and look for this Holy Grail. It’sthis idea of the grand adventure and the things dreamsare made of; the “perfect love”!However, how many seek love with the one personthat will be with them for the rest of their lives? Howmany are aware of the importance of such a15

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self Loverelationship? How many get that that relationship isright here (at the right place), and right now (at theright time)? Yes, every person reading this is already inthe most important love affair one could ever know.It’s within you.You are in the most important relationship you couldever be in. How are you doing? How does it feel that Ijust put it out there? It kind of messes with the powerof fairytale story lines, poems, Valentine’s Day ideasand romance movies, doesn’t it? All of that Disney-likeromance, that leads to two people sharing life togetherforever as the grand finale of a successful measure ofthe heart I mean if you grew up in the west, thissociety has not let you really know much more. Someof you may have been shielded, others disheartenedand then some even end up rebelling against the wholething.The issue is that there are years of foundational beliefsthat are at the very root of how we relate to loving.16

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self LoveAre you ready to rethink this model that has beenforcefully fed into you?Are you ready to start loving yourself first?So many people say to me, “Ah, Shawn, that’s great andall, but I want someone to wake up with, to eat with! I’vebeen with myself already!”Many people don’t like the company or relationshipwith themselves. And if you are bored with yourself,why would anyone else want to be with you? If youdon’t completely love yourself, who would really loveyou? Would you want that? Maybe you have had it,and you know what I am talking about. This is aboutloving you the way you might love your soul mate.You hold in your hand a series of practices that willtake you to a new level of how you approach each day,how to open your heart and how to deeply know themost amazing person in your life—you!This book has a system designed to offer you 28 daysof practices and techniques to expand your love and17

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self Loveyou will no longer wait for your ultimate relationshipto find you. The daily practices are designed to create: De-armoring Better knowing of your body Great connection to your heart Self-knowing Stress reduction Well being Playfulness Sex appeal Healthy selfishness Peaked awareness Heart-centered courageThe great news is that you are already in the mostwonderful relationship that you can’t get out of! Youcan deny it. You can fight it. You can even hate it. Buteven so, dear friends, I am here to share that you reallyalready are in the right relationship; right here andright now! The choice is yours.18

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self LoveLearn yourself, and let your self-love become soabundant that you begin to attract amazing people toshare that love with you. We have heard it before,“When you're not looking for love, love finds you.” Thereason is because one who actively is in love withthemselves becomes an amazing magnet to others.This book will help you regain joy in loving yourself 19

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self LoveHow This Book WorksThereare 28 days of practices in finding abetter relationship with you in this book. These are allfor you. There are no rules as to how you shouldapproach the order of each practice. I have somesuggestions on how you can use this book, however, ifyou like something, do it again. Let it be an add-on toyour new day’s practice. I strongly feel that it’spowerful to keep doing new things in the cycle, but ifyou do get results that you consider good, keep usingit.Your intention is not just to do the day’s exercises, butrather, really finding the juice of these gems and howmuch they break the day-to-day pattern you may havecreated for yourself. The more you break the cycle, themore you create choice to enjoy change. There are nogoals to reach, but rather a deep awareness andexploration of the love affair you have with yourself.20

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self LoveLook, you are the one who is taking this path to selflove. There’s more to it than just doing a few of the 28days and saying, “I have self love!” That’s great!However, there is a larger thing going on here Ittakes years of patterns to create the way we live. Thisprogram is designed to break patterns and habits soyou can change your life without creating new habits.So the practices are consciously in order to increasefour main points: awareness, communication, an openheart and acceptance towards self. ‘Pathways to Love:28 Days to Self Love’ is the foundation to feeling andexpanding love in amazing ways, both inside and out.At the end of each practice, there are journal pages tokeep thoughts, doodles and awareness notes.Each of the following pages will have the shortpractice, instructions and a set of icons. Here is a quickdescription of the icons, and how to use them.The SunsTo help you stay organized, each practice will havethis:21

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self LoveEach sun is a marker for a new day. You circle a sun tomark that you have done that practice once. There are5 suns so that you can continue to use the markingsystem if you choose to do another 28 day cycle.This is also helpful if you're sharing the book withanother person like a lover or roommate. If two of youare following the book at the same time, just use adifferent-colored pen.The HeartsTo help you rate the day’s practice there is a 1 to 5rating for each practice in the form of these hearts.There are two sets to help you if you want to continuea certain practice again later, retry something or if youare sharing the book. They look like this:22

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self LoveThis is a quick way to create valuable feedback foryour journey. If I was with you, I would ask you toshare how a particular practice was for you. Fromthere, we would know what we can work with, andwhat we need to work on. With this tool, you can dothe same. Use whole and half hearts to rate yourexperience.Glossary of practice symbolsThere are other symbols that give you quick referenceas to the activity and intention of the practice, and ifthere is a time consideration for it. You might find thatyou are fond of certain practice types. But remember,it’s the ones you don’t want to do that may offer youthe greatest lessons.Most practices are short and easy and don’t require alot of effort, yet there are others that you need todedicate more effort to.23

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self LoveThe glossary of practice symbols are:Meditation practiceConsciousness practiceAwareness practiceThis tells how long the practice is (for a TimedPractice)Sensual practiceHeart-opening practiceIncludes Music or Dancing24

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self LoveIncludes the Elements (Fire, Water, Air andEarth)Communication SkillsWriting or DrawingCreates Energy or EmpowermentIncludes Food or EatingThis practice takes place in the Shower or Bath25

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self LoveHow to Start a 28 DayJourney“What can we gain by sailing to the moon if we are not ableto cross the abyss that separates us from ourselves?”Thomas MertonThere are three simple ways to do this; each startsthe night before so you can ready yourself for the nextday’s practice:1. The General MethodDo them in order. It’s simple and structured.Just turn the pages each day.2. The Adventure MethodThe night before you start, sit with the book,tune in and feel what’s going on in your life.Now, open the book at random.If you picked a new practice in your 28 day26

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self Lovecycle, great! This is your next practice, have ago at it.If you picked a practice that you’ve alreadycompleted, then:a. If you opened and picked a left page,thumb back to the next undone practice.b. If you opened and picked a right page,thumb forward to the next undonepractice.3. The Freestyle MethodFind your own way through the next 28 days.You choose your own path of how you exercisethe 28 practices. This is a more advancedrecommendation.If you have completed the journey once ortwice, this a great way to expand into theexperience with greater awareness.Use the method that works best for you.27

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self LoveIt’s Your ExperienceThis is your chance to soften the very thingthat may keep you from loving fully. We all have pastexperiences that warrant our hearts to be shielded. Thenext 28 days will melt your guarded heart. You will seethat every relationship you have been in is a mirror.There are lessons to understand in EVERY relationship.The most challenging thing for me in doing this workis hearing that the lesson learned was to love morecautiously and be more careful of whom you trust andshare your heart with.Ever so often, this is not the lesson at all! Many timesthe lesson is to remember to love yourself first andyou will discover that being in a relationship does notneed to be crazy or foolish as it has been in the past.Explore these 28 daily tasks as a chance to court withyourself again.28

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self LoveThis is not about being alone It’s about rememberingto keep your love healthy in all aspects of life.Take your time, enjoy and write about what comes upfor you. Be willing to share it with others.This book is not about: Being alone Being single Hurting Blood, sweat and tears to get what you want Not having sexual relations Changing your faith Getting stuck Losing peopleThis book is about: Getting in touch with yourself Being aware Remembering to love Staying open to love29

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self Love Playing Enjoying a graceful life Being true to your core feelings Dropping the to need to react Letting go Forgiving yourself and othersBefore you start, write your intention for the next 28days. Not a goal, but more about what flavor youwould like to experience with the program. Intent ismore than just what one has in mind to do or bringabout. Intent suggests clearer formulation or greaterdeliberateness. However, a Goal suggests somethingattained only by prolonged effort and hardship.Webster’s Dictionary offers this definition ofIntention 1 :1: a determination to act in a certain way; resolve2: import, significance3: a) what one intends to do or bring about b) the object for1www.merriam-webster.com30

Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self Lovewhich a prayer, mass, or pious act is offered4: a process or manner of healing of incised woundsBe clear and on point, remember to stay away from anagenda or goals of what the end looks or should looklike.Your past experiences may be keeping you from thecontemporary, fresh life you deserve to live. Releasewhat you think you want, and allow yourself toexpress what you feel could support you in enjoyingthe next 28 days.31 pag

Richard Roop, my brother, who helped me to learn NLP when I was 18 and showing me what success in self help looks like. Pathways to Love: 28 Days to Self Love 6 My Love Tribe in San Diego: Beth Elder, Tracey Lontos, Adam Paulman, Ka